Here is the test: has, over the years, reading these great books of literature and working out what makes them great helped me to understand and cope with life in the face of deep loss?
My interest in the Nobel Prize begun when I was at Uni and it has become a very big part of my life. I have spent at least one dedicated year buying books by Nobel Prize Winners on a weekly basis. In terms of money spent I would think it would easily be in the hundreds of pounds, in terms of time reading, reviewing and looking at those books it has also been substantial. The collection was at least three or four bookshelves all double stacked, a layer of books in front of another layer of books, with books lying on top horizontally.
Because of a series of complex circumstances that have occurred in the last few months I know have almost nothing of that collection left.
The number of Andre Gide books, of which I began buying before even knew about the Prize, and the large number of books by Anatole France that I had been amazed to get, along with borderline rare books like Jacinto Benavente's collection of plays are no longer in my possession. Others books that I don't remember have gone and I am putting some effort to preserve the blankness of my memory of what I had.
Some remain with me. Most of what I had of Doris Lessing is still around, some of Samuel Beckett is here- very glad that Mercier et Camier is still around- and most importantly the best book in the whole collection, Auto-Da-Fe by Elias Canetti, is still with me. From this I can keep going without the grief being total.
These lost books can be replaced with time and at this moment that this blog really comes into its own as a record of what I had, what I enjoyed and used, and that eases the loss.
For all that I did not read I am glad that I managed to have read as much as I could and put some of it to good use.
Some books I know I won't see again, others won't be too difficult to get hold of, every year there is at least another shelf to read from a new Winner, it all keeps going- as Beckett says 'I can't go on. I'll go on'.
What is incredible is how people have managed to find this blog and have commented on it, which is wonderful. I am very grateful for every person who wanders onto these pages and stay to explore what I have to say.
To everyone who has kept with me I wish you a very merry Christmas and a very happy New Year with love and solidarity.
All the best.
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Live long and prosper.
